Learning by Momosis

Yesterday kept trying to be a good day, but it kept turning into some kind of toy crisis every 4 minutes. Many days are like that around here, but yesterday it was worse and/or it was the last straw and/or I just need a serious break.

Late yesterday afternoon, Roo took something away from Bear for the 401st  time. Bear proceeded to go ahead and kick Roo in the face, while I was standing right there, 5 seconds after I told him to walk away.  I was pissed and fed up — or as Word Girl (on PBS)  had explained earlier that day, I was “exasperated”.

The boys were sent to their rooms. By me, quite loudly. Normally this lasts for about 3 minutes. This time, it lasted longer. I informed them they would be staying in their rooms until their father got home (in about 20 minutes.) I checked back in on them every few minutes to make sure they knew I was still here.

Meanwhile I proceed to remove nearly all the toys from the house. Belive me, I had considered this before. They went in bins or bags out to our second car, which isn’t working right now so it’s not going anywhere.

Somewhere in that process, apparently I tweaked out my back pretty well. Hrmpf.

While I’ve said I’m not quite in blogging mode, today warrants a special entry. Well, technically it was yesterday, since I’m writing this at 12:25 am.

A bouncy chair has been a critical part of our sleeping routine for over 3 years. So much so that Oma and Papa even designed and fabricated a special oversized bouncy chair when the boys really outgrew the biggest mass-produced one we could find.

Today, I put the oversized custom bouncy chair away in the back of a closet and the boys didn’t even notice.

There’s quite a bit to this story if you’re not filled in. If you want some of the history on this, you might want to read this post. A lot has changed since the, including the fact that we took a leap of faith and moved out of  Papa and Oma’s house last September. If you’re feeling ambitious you might even browse through some of my posts under the sleep category. There’s quite a few…

A couple of weeks ago, we made a big change in our sleep routine, and it’s going really well. One result from this is that it elimated the final piece of the routine that relied on Bear using the bouncy chair. So it hasn’t been used for a couple of weeks and I decided to put it away and see what happened. Even though the boys went into Bear’s room to play shortly after the change, it didn’t occur to them it was gone.

I tell ya, every day is a miracle around here. Sometimes a really loud, annoying miracle — but a miracle nonetheless.

I’ll write more detail about the sleep routine changes another day.

Good night, bouncy chair. Good night, boys. Good night, readers. Good night, Mommy. Good night.

Hello, my little world of blog readers. Thanks for checking in on me.

All is well, but my focus is in some other areas for a little while — hopefully that means just a week or two.

I may try to post a little here and there, but they’ll be brief if I do. That’s not all bad, right?

Peace out.

A few weeks ago I was feeling bold and took the boys with me on “a quick trip” into Costco. Since then I have resolved to never, ever do that again. It brings out the worst in in the boys and me.

So there we were in line, which is always where things can start getting pretty insane if they haven’t already. They don’t. do. lines. They do circles and spins and rolls. Yes, my boys will consistently want to lay down on the Costco floor and scoot around like worms on their backs or just start rolling around and laughing for fun. I miss the days when I could strap them both in the shopping cart.

Using some available boxes as race cars helped manage the boys energy and motion while in the line at Costco a few weeks ago.

I had made a strategic move to go to the fine that was on the far end, which would mean that there would be a little more space for them to wiggle around without getting in the way of those monster shopping carts.

The line wasn’t too bad, but there were a couple carts ahead of me and behind me. And then I spotted the boxes — they always have a supply of them around the checkouts. I just grabbed a couple of boxes, set them in front of the boys and told them they were race cars. (They had been playing “race cars” in boxes earlier that day at home.) They managed to entertain themselves and the other folks in line pretty well that way, and it was nice to get some smiles and laughs intead of  shocked looks and gasps from the other shoppers.

On a side note, over time I’ve learned to be more bold with getting the things I need — whether it’s for the boys or just me. A few years ago I wouldn’t have grabbed the boxes. I would have though about it, but I would spend time fretting if it was okay instead of actually doing it. I know, I know, it’s just some old boxes — but that’s what I would have done. It’s a simple change, but it makes a big difference over time. It’s one of those life lessons I’ve been learning by momosis, whether I want to or not.

I received these emails from Roo’s Occupational therapist today. The bold emphasis is mine; you can jump to that if you don’t want to wade through the other stuff.

—

Hi Naomi-

I just finished scoring Roo’s test; here are the results:

There are 3 subtests for gross motor skills- stationary (ability to balance on one foot, etc.), locomotion (how a child can run, jump), and object manipulation (throwing, catching, kicking a ball). Then the scores are totaled for an overall gross motor score. For Stationary and Object manipulation, Reggie scores in the 9th percentile for each, and locomotion he scores in the 5th percentile. These individual scores help us see where strengths and weaknesses are. Looking at the overall score, combining all 3 subtests, Reggie is in the 3rd percentile, -1.86 standard deviations below the mean. I know that’s a lot of statistical stuff, but the most important thing to draw from all of it is that he should be able to qualify for school services like I had mentioned a while back. I think it is something to strongly consider and I’d be happy to help you navigate things. Something to think about for sure.

I have to say again how proud I was of Roo today- it was an amazing session, he did such a wonderful job!! And it was so great to see how proud of himself he was, which is most important! I am also so happy to hear that the tube feedings are virtually non-existent! This is so great!!

I will soon be writing up a report and will send it out to his primary care physician (don’t have her name in front of me, but will be in our system unless it has changed).

Have a great week and see you monday-
M

—-

My reply to M included a desire to talk to her more specifically about the results. She replied:

__

Hi Naomi-

Just a quick reply inbetween patients- yes, he definitely has decreased lower extremity strength- something we’ve talked about before, and his overall coordination is largely a cause for the lower scores, as there are particular criteria he must meet in order to pass an item, i.e., throwing a ball overhanded- can he do it? of course he can, quite well in fact- however, points are deducted for the way in which he throws- he has difficulty isolating arm and trunk movments. So you might ask yourself, what is more important, the fact that he can throw a ball or how perfect he throws it- When you look at the big picture, we can see that Reggie has difficulty slowing down, coordinating his movements, and moving efficiently- which often results in fatigue. So while he could participate in baseball on the playground, how long could he play before he tired- is there a more efficient way in which he can move his body? I hope this is making sense. The common theme has been his overall decreased body awareness- and this has shown up in formal testing. Another factor is that with an increase in age there is an increase in developmental expectations, so while he is making progress, it’s just not as fast as the demands expected for his increase in age.

I hope that doesn’t sound too much like rambling- hope it helps!

Take care,

M

–

More from on all this later, but here’s the main point — I was surprised by how low his scores were on the tests. I’m also very happy that his needs have manifested in at least one way that can demonstrate a measurable need that can qualify him for some extra services.

Monday mornings feature occupational therapy from 10-11, and afterwards we usually bum around a little, pick up some lunch, and go home.

Part of the challenge in this scenario is to a snack into Bear between 11 and 11:30. He’s usually not acting hungry, but later on, when it hits … it’s ugly.  This is part of the hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute challenge of parenting children who have a much lower ability to regulate their own sense of being hungry, tired, etc.

I was reminded of what Ugly Bear looked like today at about 12:10 as we were checking out at a Salvation Army Thrift Store. It was time to go; make that 5 minutes past time to go. We were almost going.

Bear just starts hitting and kicking me while I’m standing there. When I tell him to stop, he doesn’t.

(And yes, this is a moment when you are aware that all eyes have turned to watch the drama. Bear does the drama VERY well.)

I stop, squat down, give him a big hug/restrain/try to help him calm down. He’s acting out, but already I can tell it’s a little more pronounced than usual. With his ams and legs fairly restrained, he just turns to me and spits in my face.

Oh yes. You know, that stick the slobbering tongue out and blow. He spits a few times in quick succession. Oh my. I’m not exactly sure what happened next, but  I had to threaten a long time out of a favorite toy to get him to snap out of it.

(At this point, I figure that anyone watching is either is feeling a lot of sympathy for me or thinking I must be the worst parent ever and I’ve got what’s coming to me.)

Me: Bear, what’s wrong honey? If there’s something wrong, you’ve got to use your words and tell me what the problem is.

Bear: (Sulking, whimpering) I… want… my… bottle…

(Oy, shoulda made that juice box happen an hour ago!) (There’s a twist for anyone watching following our drama. This 40 lb kid needs a BOTTLE?)

Me: Okay, honey, let’s get you out to the car and we’ll get some juice and get home as quick as we can…

On a transracial adoption note, in situations like these I’m always very aware of who is around, and specifically if they are African-American. And I kind of hope they think I’m doing a good job. I don’t let that get to me too much beyond a surface level, but I’m just trying to be brutally honest here.

It will be at least a few weeks before I let the 11 snack get by me again on a Monday!

—-

Side note: Bear’s food intake for today:
4 9-oz bottles of Pediasure.
2 oz of milk chocolate
1/2 small french fries
1 6-0z box of tropical fruit juice
4 whole-grain club crackers
1 10-oz glass of apple juice
Licked salt off of crackers
Turned down raisins and popcorn
2 organic lollipops

I had my last scheduled therapist appointment on Tuesday morning. I started seeing Mr. T in the Fall of 2008, and I’ve mentioned him here from time to time.

How do I thank someone who was able to shine a flashlight down into the darkness and patiently guide me back to the light? Back to myself? How do I say goodbye?

The two years leading up to my first session with Mr. T had been emotionally, physically, and spiritually grueling. Ah yes, that’s the short story. Plus, as Mr. T so graciously pointed out, I’m complicated. I always kind of knew that, but now it’s confirmed.

I’m not done with Mr. T because I’m all better now. Life isn’t about being “all good,” of course. It is about learning how to manage through the good and the bad of life and keep yourself intact. I’m in a much better position to do that now than I ever have been.

With all of the factors weighed in, it’s more important for me to use the time I’ve been spending with Mr. T to take care of myself in other ways.

My time with Mr. T has a great deal to do with “Learning by Momosis.” It wouldn’t be here at all without him.  He has a lot to do with the fact that I’ve been able to learn and grow through these experiences instead of being permanently flattened by them.

Thank you, God, for Mr. T.

And thank you, Mr. T, for the light. I’m going to go ahead and keep it.

Me: Look, Roo, I put a picture of the airplane on here to show my friends.

Roo: No friends are your friends Mommy!

Me: No friends are my friends? I don’t have any friends? I’m so sad…

Roo: No! No friends are your friends! You can’t have any friends. You can’t meet any new friends today, Mama. Sorry.

Me: Why not?

Roo: I’m going to HIT your new friends. I’m going to HIT your new friends. I’m going to HIT your new friends. You’re not going to meet any new friends. Sorry, Mama.

Me: Do I get to see any old friends?

Roo: No! No old friends either! No friends today.

Me: What about… PDS?

Roo: No! Not anyone you like. No. You can’t meet Jay or PDS or Jazz. Any of your friends you’re not going to meet. At the Beacon House. Sorry Mommy. You’re not going to meet any new friends here.

Me:  What about tomorrow?

Roo: No, not tomorrow either. Sorry, Mommy.

Me: Why not?

Roo: No new friends for you. No friends are not going to meet you.

Me: How do new friends make you feel?

Roo: ANGRY! Makes me want to hit your new friends. You’re not going to meet any new friends. Not tomorrow either. Sorry, Mommy.

Me: What do you want to do today?

Roo: I want to get a new remote control train like THIS! (Shows me picture on back of GeoTrax Box.)

 (3 seconds of silence.)

Roo: Moooommmy’s not going to talllk to meeeee????? Waaaaa Whhiiiiiiine Semi-Fake Crrrryyyyyy.

Me: Do you want to play the motorcycle game now?

Roo: Mommmmmy’s not going to talk to meeeeeeeeaaahhhhhhhhwaahhhhhh! Wah-haahhhhhhh!

—- etc etc etc

Lord, I need to finish my coffee.

I finished up two paper F-18 Hornet airplanes today, and I feel like the coolest mom in the world for doing so. That is all.

I refer to the demanding nature of caring for our boys quite often. It’s hard to explain succintly. For a little window into our world, here is a summary email that Hubby wrote to send to Bear’s social worker within the first most of placement. Bear was not yet 2 months old at this time. (Pronouns edited for privacy.)

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…. Additionally, Bear had a swallow study this a.m. at C-Hospital.

Bear is clearly aspirating his formula and shows signs of reflux. This combination was of particular concern as it introduces the good possibility of aspirating stomach acid into the lungs. A report will be sent to Dr. W and to (Social Worker D). In the meantime we will observe the following:

1. Formula will be thickened with Thickit. [Note: This had to be added to each bottle just before using.]

2. #1 nipples that are not enlarged (to help contol flow of formula).
[Note: We would soon discover that thickened formula could simply not pass through a #1 nipple, and we ended up modifying them with an exacto knife.]

3. Formula to be served ice cold and Bear must be sitting up to eat.

4. Bear must help him “pace himself” and monitor very closely for signs of reflux or aspiration.

5. Bear is to be kept upright for a minimum of one half hour after feeding.

6. Bear must sleep in an upright position at night. A referral will be made to have a sleep wedge made for him.

7. Bear must be kept upright while changing diapers. Legs must be lifted up one at a time rather than both at the same time. He must be changed before eating so he has an empty stomach.

Obviously, the overall theme here is keep him upright pretty much all the time to allow gravity to help him keep his formula (and stomach acid) down. C-Hospital will want to see him again in about eight weeks for a follow up. I think that is all for now.

Hubby