(Alarmed) “Where are their parents!?”
I was walking with a friend (pds) and the boys in the U-District today, on the way from our street-parking to a coffee shop. They boys were feeling overwhelmed with the people and the traffic of the U-District, so I was carrying both of them for about a block… yes, over 40 lbs in each arm. I won’t be able to pull that off for much longer!
There was someone walking toward us that took one look at me and the boys and said with an alarmed look, “Where are their parents!? Uh!,” and shook their head is a “tsk tsk” kind of way.
How strange. Too strange for me to even begin to feel offended. Mostly, I just felt puzzled. Who would say something like that, and why? It didn’t even seem like he disapproved, it was more as if he was grossly misunderstanding the situation. It was as if he thought I had just picked them up from wandering on their own and was on my way to drop them off at the police station.
Who would say something like this? I’m not sure. In this case, it was what appeared to be a 25-30 year-old white man, dressed as a woman. Why did he say it? I’ll never know. But I’d love to know what was crossing his mind, just out of curiousity.
Whatever the reason, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have said it if they where white like me.
I share this as an example of the daily reality of transracial adoption. For good or bad, the parents and the children will always be viewed as either “adopted” or “not related.” There’s no pretending to be something else, no day in which you’ll go out in the world and not look “interesting” to others.
This doesn’t bother me too much. But, my children didn’t choose that for themselves and I’m sure there will be days, even years, when they hate always being the different family.
Alarmed? I thought it was more a look of disgust. He was awful. I also think he was high. Or at least that’s what I’m hoping.
PDS, you’re right. I was having a hard time finding the right word… disgust is more accurate.
Usually, I can shake it off and drive on, but there are days when I simmer, then boil, then rage…
Unfortunately, the offender is long gone by then.
In the end, Naomi, when you stand in front of everyone everywhere and God tells you “well done” — then it will not only be totally worth it, but you’ll be totally vindicated, friend. Well done.
Gayle, what your really mean is that fortunately they are long gone by then. Right? RIGHT? ; )
Thanks for your encouragement, Amanda!
You know I havent been able to sit and just enjoy and ready your blog for awhile and the fact that Im up at 4AM is in and of itself odd but here I am none the less. This is typical of many incidences I too have experienced over the years. It is very disheartening and strange I agree. I am sure you will have many more to come in your journey as have I. I think for the first time my mother finally understood what racism truly was and is through her experiences of being stared at with both her white and brown children calling her grandma and the stares and disgusted looks she would receive. It brings to mind when Malachi was a little boy and I picked him up from pre school and he was just sobbing and heart broken and I said what is the matter? He replied..”We dont match” Isnt that something some little girl told him that he and his mommy didnt match. I remember feeling such anger at a little girl I didnt even know and struggled with a myriad of emotions all at once and the only thing I could think to do is to tell him to put his hand next to mine and I said what color are you and he replied brown and I said what color am I and he said white and I said you are brown and I am white…Am I your mother? He said yes mommy and I simply said “then we match”! Seemed to be all it took in all its simplicity, I guess God gave me the wisdom to deal with the reality of what it really is motherhood, love and all that goes along with it transcends race, color, prejudice and all that the world uses to cause conflict, division and confusion.
Kim, I always love to hear your stories. It’s nice to have you back.
Hope you get some more sleep sometime soon.